“I want to Love and not to be afraid any more”
I know the one who was killed by a homophobia. This is my friend Andrey. We got acquainted with him when to us was years on nine. How many he knew – he was the timid, kind, lovely boy, however, closed. In fourteen years I to him admitted that I like not only guys, but also girls. He, in turn, trusted in me and told that he was always attracted only by guys … At school nobody knew anything. But Andrey was all the same teased: he was modest, a little with whom communicated and did not meet girls. In the tenth class one of schoolmates decided to play a trick. Created a page in a social network on behalf of, say, Alex. Wrote acquaintances and began “to stick”: like, he is a gay and looks for the love. Monitored reaction and had fun. And here he decided to write to Andrey. My friend not at once, but after all reciprocated. Next day all school learned about it. Andrey ceased to go to study, it was not weeks three. Then he appeared. Schoolmates were silent, smiled – and all. After lessons they called Andrey to smoke for garages. I do not know, forced or he went. There they beat him. Strongly. We with the schoolmate went to smoke for these garages and there found Andrey. Called an ambulance. He was taken away. Heavy concussion, fractures of several edges, hematomas on all body. Us at first to Andrey did not even let in chamber, only relatives. Somewhere in a week resolved. I went to him every day. I so felt sorry for him. Approximately in a month Andrey was written out. He told that parents transferred him to other school. Promised: let’s meet in the evening. When I came to him, Andrey’s mother opened for me a door drowned in tears and told that he jumped off from the 14-storey house in the morning.
Ninety six of hundred fifteen respondents on social networks of teenagers, that is 83,5%, answered that they constantly face any discrimination: with physical abuse, a beating, restriction of freedom, insults, sneers, threats, contempt, disgust, humiliation. Not only those who made coming out of the closet, but also those who are suspected of non-conventional sexual orientation, those who in word and deed intercede for LGBT are exposed to discrimination
I do not want to hear exclamations that I did not find the guy that it on stupidity, by youth that it yet because I was not loved by boys because of a figure. I want to love and not to be afraid any more. I, as well as many, also understood that there is in me no this put “correctness”, and last year fell in love and understood that only such feelings are close to me. I do not tell it to them, maybe, somewhere deeply in soul I think what and the truth will scare me, and I will not like girls any more. Just I AM AFRAID. I am afraid not to find support in the future, one is afraid to remain, alone with inclination to the floor. Until I came across community of Cameraboys, I did not think that there is a lot of us. Before I was using random cams to chat with gay friends and have some sexual fun on cams. The fact that we are still young does not mean that we do not understand life that we are silly and are not skillful. We have feelings, the thoughts, we can make decisions.
We address not the Kremlin, and the state which still has obligations to all citizens; that policy which is pursued in relation to the LGBT people is policy of sexual abuse of minors. The state has obligations, including international on protection of the rights of children – for example, the rights to information, the right for development. There is a big group of minors of teenage LGBT to which these rights are not guaranteed
All life I liked guys. Internally denied and did not accept even a thought that I am a gay. In five years climbed to kiss to the boy from kindergarten, but it was seen by my mother and abused me. Began to realize who and that is pleasant to me, years in twelve. Watched a gay porn, but the gay of did not consider at all. Suffered from loneliness and tried to look for the girl as all. But at the same time understood that girls do not excite me at all. In fifteen suggested one girl to meet, but we quarreled every other day. A depression behind a depression. <…> In two weeks prior to the 16 anniversary I accepted myself it what I am. I for the first time mentally called myself the gay. And it was not a shame to me or it is terrible, I had no disgust for myself. As though a load off the mind. And in two months I went on a date with the guy and for the first time fell in love. Two months of happiness past quickly. And then in the December morning I was woken by parents and led on kitchen on an important conversation. Until I slept, SMS from the guy with a wish of kind morning came. Parents were interested long ago: “Who it writes all the time to you?”. They took an interest and this time, having read correspondence, all our with him. The first question was: “Whom do you love?”. The second: “And you thought of us? What about us will be told if find out?”. What I told that day and in all the subsequent – everything was given a hostile reception and addressed against me. In one of the Whatsapp messages my boyfriend wrote the address. Parents did not ignore it and said that they will go to him and will tell all to his parents. Mother cried. The father read aloud the “pleasant” messages. And I told that if they go to him, then houses will not see me anymore. Worked. But I could not see him anymore. What’s next? We continued to chat on Camboys webcam community. However, farther got depression which lasted for a year a senseless talk with parents, fruitless attempts to begin normal dialogue. Wrote to the guy that we, most likely, will meet very at a distant day and that he should find to himself someone. <…> History not really sad and not so tragic. I understand: what happened in my life – a trifle in comparison with what happens in lives of many others. What would I want to tell them? Yes, anything special: tomorrow it will be better, than yesterday. Do not despair and do not give up. Be not afraid to be those who you are is. Always there will be those who will understand you who will offer to you a hand who will fall in love with you.
There is no sense to address the state, it makes sense to address society and to convey information to him. I disown all the time from the fact that I politicize – I do charity work, and in charity the supreme value is life of each private person. But in this war peace methods of fight do not work. Yes, many people who will decide to make coming out of the closet will suffer, and to it is necessary to be ready – in a different way to win war. The homophobic majority wishes LGBT of death, and I do not understand why it is necessary to work with pink methods. We, heterosexuals, have to preach that they in Auschwitz sat LGBT and Jews, and Jews have rights now, and at LGBT – no. And it has to be a clear policy on brainwashing from a homophobia by the undecided to people and that who else can be saved. Hundreds of the LGBT children have to make coming out of the closet
In a month to me 15 years will knock. I buy. Biologically I the girl, morally it is rather a guy. Generally, as they say, “not in that body”. I love the same person – the girl feeling as the man. We even joke that actually we are gays. Parents know nothing. And if found out, then would hardly approve similar “immoral behavior” (so my mother calls everything, belonging to LGBT). I am afraid to admit that I am not such. I am afraid to tell: “Please, will be enough to consider me by the weaker sex”. It is terrible to me to tell relatives that I love the girl, it is “wrong”. It is unpleasant to think of what will be told by my homophobic schoolmates when they find out the truth. I am an honors pupil. I pull victories in the Olympic Games almost all class. I already carry the nickname “botanist”. I think, I will not take out one more offensive nickname. So there is a strong wish that people understood: we are same as they. We differ in nothing. Just we know that the love does not know borders. Children-404. Nonexistent. Society or considers us freaks with mental deviations, or just does not want to recognize that we exist. But we are. And we just want to live quietly. Unless it is so difficult to arrange it?.
For the last ten years I observed several currents: at first it was fashionable to be engaged in chemical prevention at teenagers, then there was a HIV prevention, xenophobia prevention, now – violence prevention. Real researches were conducted, grants which were spent for business were distributed. But, unfortunately, I did not notice that there was less chemically dependent, HIV-positive or it is more tolerant. I consider that pointed work with concrete people is necessary. Aggression to gays among teenagers is an undifferentiated aggression: always in group there is a derelict who will be pursued and pressed. When the image of the victim is created – for example, the teenage gay, it gives the chance to merge undifferentiated teenage aggression on gay minority
Dear children-404! I am 50 years old, I suit you for mothers. I have three daughters and though I always loved only men, I never hid from them that someone can love people of one with them a floor. It is not bad, it is not ridiculous, it is not sad, I said to them, it just like that, and all. I told it, answering sometimes the questions asked me. I did not hide from them and the fact that couple of our male friends – steam, but not just good friends as all considered around. – Well and that? – I spoke. – It is all the same best of all to love the person of the same floor, than at all to love nobody! – It is easy for you to argue! – age-mates reproached me. – And here if your own daughter or son?. I believed what to me will be all the same with whom my child is happy though all thought that it is mere words. And recently I learned that my oldest daughter left the husband and that now she has a girlfriend. Or rather, favorite. And I am glad for both of them. I do not know so far as it will be died at other my daughters, but I anyway will support their choice. The main thing that they fell in love with the worthy person and were happy. I am very sorry that the few people of my generation share my views. It we, adults, are guilty of what atmosphere of intolerance developed in our society. It is because of us is so difficult for you. You are not guilty that you such what are.
The law which the authorities are going to adopt at the federal level will make teenage LGBT invisible. Unfortunately, because of the local law on the ban of gay propaganda among minors to us cannot come teenage LGBT, all the same come – informally. We are engaged in pointed work: one boy was afraid that the father will turn out him if he learns about his homosexuality, we communicated to mother, having decided that it is better for father to report later – he is Armenian, and in strength of mind it is more complex to him to apprehend this news. As a result mother quickly and flexibly apprehended all, and the situation, as far as we know, was resolved safely